I have trust issues. I won’t try to pretend that I don’t.
I’ve known three pathological liars in my life; probably more, but these I was close to. One was a high school friend, another was a relative, and the third was a boss I had for a period of time.
It usually takes a while to figure them out, but once you do it’s impossible from that time forward to believe a word they say. It’s a sickness for sure. But since I don’t play the blame game I believe that they are responsible for what they do. They can seek help. If they don’t know they lie, then it’s really serious.
The high school friend and I would often experience things that most teenagers do. I was often surprised to find that what I witnessed happening on our escapades was much more boring (but real) than what happened according to her. Things that we did were embellished beyond recognition. And if that weren’t enough, there were additions that never happened.
Sometimes I thought I had Alzheimer’s (not exactly that because I’m not sure it was a diagnosis in the late 70s, but maybe I just lost my memory). It wasn’t too long before I got tired of it and moved on with my life and left the lies behind.
About the relative, I better not go into too much detail about him. I realize that posting on the Internet is offering my words to millions if they were to find them. And since others in the family wish to keep what he does secret, it’s best for me to not post it on my blog. It’s their sickness, not mine. I have discussed it plenty and still do — I just don’t want to open a can of worms with the family.
And for the third of the liars I’ve known well: this one really takes the cake. It took me a while to figure out her lies. But from the moment I got it, things were never the same. She would show up late for work and say she had car trouble. Twice the same exact thing happened to her vehicle when she was in Texas and could not get home as planned to return to work.
She would lie about one employee to another in order to turn us against one another. Instead of working as a team, we were always at odds with one another.
One of the biggest lies and something that we laugh about to this day was when she said the reason the police from a neighboring jurisdiction came to see her at work was because she’d turned in a supposed drug house, meth lab or something, and they needed her to sign some paperwork.
The truth of the matter was, she had hot check charges and they were there about that. Once she was no longer with the company we continued to get numerous calls from those who held bad checks and were trying to locate her for payment.
Often I’d hear her phone conversation where she’d ask people on the other end of the phone if they could loan her money to pay the electric bill (or some other bill) as it had been shut off. She’d then fly out of the office telling us that her child was sick. This happened numerous times as well.
I learned long ago never to lie about something and use an illness or a child in the lie. Once, at another job, I needed a day off. I said I had a stomach virus. I was really rarely sick. So I had that Friday off. The problem was the very next Friday I had a stomach virus. It was so weird, that I will never use a lie to get a sick day at work. I may say I don’t feel well … but I’ll never give a specific diagnosis. I do believe in mental health days, especially for those who are rarely sick.
If you’re one of those people who lie and think you’re getting away with it, think again. We know your lies. It never takes that long to figure them out. Children may not get it while they’re young, but the day they do, your lies won’t work with them anymore.
And besides that, when you lie continually nobody believes a darn thing you say anymore even when you do tell the truth.
If you see yourself in the people I have just written about, please get help. Your lies damage all of your relationships, especially those closest to you. If you have children, you are teaching them not to trust. I can tell you from experience that having trust issues as an adult is a very difficult thing.